Brighton Rock -A Woman’s Place is Turning the Tide

Text & photos- Lily Maynard  Sketches – Michèle M

On July 16th 2018, a group of almost 200 women, and a few men, attended a meeting organised by Woman’s Place UK’   at Jury’s Inn in Brighton.

“We are a group of people from a range of backgrounds,” declares Woman’s Place UK, “including trade unions, women’s organisations, academia and the NHS. We are united by our belief that women’s hard won rights must be defended.”

WPUK believes in the right of everyone, “to live their lives free from discrimination and harassment.” WPUK is concerned with the rights of women and girls, “who face both endemic structural and personal inequality,” and how those rights are affected by current proposed changes to the Gender Recognition Act.

To this effect WPUK has arranged a series of talks around the country, meeting firstly in Cambridge in November 2017, then in Manchester, Bristol, Edinburgh, London, Birmingham, Cardiff, Oxford, Basingstoke,, Newcastle, Todmorden, Hastings, and most recently, Brighton.

Taking the train down from London for the meeting, I decided to make a day of it and go for a swim in the afternoon. Siri informed me that high tide would be at two so I planned a swim for three.

 

The beach was crowded and the stones were hard underfoot but the water was dark blue and perfectly chilled.  I buried my phone and cash in a plastic bag under my towel and stepped into the icy water. I only had to swim a couple of strokes before my feet no longer touched the ground.  Perfect. It was only too cold for a couple of seconds.  I bobbed like a baby seal on the rolling waves under the blue sky and burning sun. It would have felt more like an alpine lake than the English seaside if it hadn’t been for the undulating waves and salty taste of the water… and the seagulls screeching overhead… and the crowds of people talking loudly in English…  and the omniscient wafting odour of weed.

But you get the idea. No seagulls shat on me, no poops or tampons floated by.   For a journey just an hour south of London, this is as tropical as it gets.

After my swim I wandered through the Lanes, a little string of hippy happiness traversing the town centre. The shop and stall holders are kind and cool; touched with an air of having just got back from Goa or trekking in the Andes. Small dogs trotted past my feet and the air was filled with the scent of veggie burgers and vegan cupcakes. The atmosphere on a sunny Monday afternoon was almost festival.  I purchased a delicious but pricey coffee from a cheerful and friendly barrista and pretended not to be surprised at the £85 price tag on an ‘upcycled’ kimono.

I passed on the kimono and instead paid £4 for a charity shop scarf, which seemed like a spectacular bargain. I ran it under a tap, wrung it out and put it over my shoulders to keep cool.  At five o’clock I met Michèle in a coffee shop and we checked our email. The venue had been announced! We left the Lanes and meandered back down towards the seafront.

The Friends Meeting House, Brighton

 

‘A Woman’s Place is Turning the Tide‘ had originally been planned to take place at the Quaker Friends Meeting House, but they had backed out of hosting it a couple of days beforehand, weighed under by the usual bullying. A Woman’s Place were uncowed by this, organising another, larger venue and relocating the event to the waterfront.

 

 

 

 

The new venue was the modern and gargantuan Jury’s Inn, overlooking the sea.

We knew that protestors were expected, and there they were. We could hear them as we approached, chanting the inevitable: ‘Transwomen are real women!’

 

 

 

Transactivists, hotel guests & passers by outside Jury’s Inn

“No debate! No debate! Transwomen are real women,’  they cried.

‘Trans rights are human rights!’ They waved their placards.

‘Trans rights are not for debate,’ they called, earnestly,  as we approached the building.

“No debate! No debate!

No debate! No debate!

No debate! No debate!”

 

Transwomen are men

Transwomen are, of course, not women. Can I be a trans woman? No? Why not? Because I’m not a man. It really is that simple.

We all know what a woman is: we all came out of one.

We have words like masculine and feminine to help us describe the more ethereal aspects of how we perform gender; ‘man’ and ‘woman’ are biological descriptors. You can’t just take them – we need them. Women, and men too, need those words to describe our biology and how it affects our lives.

Trans people should have the same human rights as the rest of us. Obviously. Nobody I know has issues with that. Have you ever heard anybody say trans people shouldn’t have the same human rights as the rest of us? If I heard someone say that, I’d pull them up pretty sharpish, I can tell you that. Human rights are universal.

But trans rights do not automatically include the right to stop women talking about things that affect them.  We get to talk about that. Trans rights do not over rule women’s rights. This is not a game of Top Trumps. It is entirely disingenuous to suggest that anyone wishing to discuss feminism and changes to the GRA wants to take away anybody’s human rights, erase people or deny their existence.

Sometimes I feel we are so close to agreeing on all this. Prescribed gender roles are harmful. As humans, our responses to gender are complex and diverse. We need to break down stereotyped ideas of how a boy or girl should behave. Why this obsession with appropriating the language of biology?   How can a boy possibly be a girl unless we completely change the meanings of the words ‘boy’ and ‘girl’?  And to spread the net a bit wider, those who don’t want to choose a pink or blue box but still want their seat on the trans-train can be non-binary, or gender fluid, some are demi-girls or demi-boys. The trans umbrella spreads itself wide. LGBTQIA? Everyone can be special! Kids as young as twelve or thirteen are declaring themselves asexual.  FFS- you are literally 12! It’s quite normal not to fancy anybody at 12 , let alone not desire to indulge in rampant shagging- because YOU ARE A CHILD.

The belief that people can be born in the wrong body is akin to a religious issue. You may believe that we have culturally gendered souls that can slip into the ‘wrong’ body. I may call this sexist nonsense. Our disagreement on this no more means I am trying to erase you, or harm you, than my refusal to accept that god is a white-robed beardy bloke who lives on a cloud in the sky means I am trying to erase certain groups of Christians.

So there were they, waving their placards, chanting with excellent enunciation and full of righteous energy, and there were we, wanting to have a meeting and wondering if anybody was going to get punched this time.

“Transwomen are real women!

No debate!

No debate!””

One of the protestors had a sign on their T shirt reading ‘Fuck Gender Norms’ and I wanted to shout, ‘Yes, I agree! Fuck gender norms, they’re bullshit, it’s all nonsense! Wear what you like! Love who you like! Express yourself! Be masculine; be feminine, be passive or assertive, have long hair or short; paint your face or not.  It’s called having a personality. Challenge those sexist stereotypes, break those gendered barriers. Change things! You don’t belong in a box.’

I’m fascinated by the protestors who turn up to events organised by gender critical women.  Some people have said to me, don’t write about them, why even mention them, it’s just giving them attention. But to understand what’s going on, we need to try to understand them. How has this happened?

 

 

I believe in the power of protest. I’ve marched against bombs, wars, homophobia, rape, racism; against the poll tax, oppressive foreign regimes, corrupt banks, politicians and the meat industry. I’ve protested for the right to listen to loud music in a field and waved banners calling for the decriminalisation of drugs. I was actively involved in Greenpeace actions in my 20s.  My politics are libertarian left.  I have never been ‘the bad guy’ before and I don’t believe I’m the bad guy now.

Myself and other women want to talk about how changing attitudes towards gender and the redefining of words used to describe it affect the rights of women and children.  We’re told that to do so is hatred. Me-from-the-past views this with horror. Women being told they can’t discuss their rights? The ground feminists had gained, lost so soon?  It’s like one of the dystopian scifi novels I read so avidly in my teens. Oh the irony of being accused of erasing people by those who want lesbians to accept penises as female! The irony of being called regressive by those who think a feminine boy in a Frozen tutu should be encouraged to think he’s a girl!

Later on in the evening, the chant turned to ‘Non-binary is valid’, which must be a contender for the most ridiculous slogan in the global history of protest. We’re all bloody non-binary, with the possible exception of Barbie and Action Man- and they aren’t real. It would almost be endearingly funny if trans-ideology wasn’t resulting in young people becoming desperately unhappy – suicidal, as we are so often told- surgeons removing young women’s healthy breasts and minors being medicalised with off-label drugs. Most- but certainly not all- who transition are over the age of eighteen, but doctors have long known that the pre-frontal cortex of our brains doesn’t mature until we are at least in our mid twenties. Youngsters are impetuous. That’s one of the reasons their car insurance is so insanely high.

Most of the protestors are under 25. I feel maternally protective towards the narcissistic little blighters, although I know they hate me. I wonder if they’ve had a proper lunch.

For all the cries of equality, there is undoubtedly a hierarchy among the trans-identified  and their ‘17 types of gender‘.  Transwomen are at the top, naturally, their voices are loudest and they are the most listened to because they are men and we live in a patriarchy.  Transmen seem mostly incidental, noted in the papers only when they give birth or occasionally when they grow a beard.  At the bottom are actual women who want a shaft of the rainbow, the handmaidens of the trans movement, the ‘sisters not cis-ters’ who are happy to describe themselves as ‘cis’.

Michèle, never intimidated,  took a leaflet with a smile. Someone put their foot in the revolving doors, just for a second, when I wouldn’t take the one held out to me. The door stopped for a moment, then seconds later we stepped into the cool, air conditioned, glass and marble lobby of the hotel.

 

 

We registered in the lobby, where our bags were checked.  Outside, a few guests perused the protestors as they began chanting ‘transmen are real men’.

We milled off to the bar for a drink in the stunning air-con lounge. The space was huge and cool.  I sipped hot coffee and slipped over to the window, where I could see the protestors down in the street below.

“I should have taken a leaflet,” I wail, angry with myself for being momentarily intimidated. Michèle gives me hers. It’s disappointing.

Debunking the leaflet

Firstly, we need to remember that sex is also a protected characteristic. Female-bodied people – aka women- have the right to their own spaces. We do not currently legally have to let boys change with girls; to let men into women’s refuges. We do not have to say that men are women. Yet.

As Helen Saxby pointed out later, in her talk, Penny Mordaunt (Minister for Women and Equalities) may well have assured us that the Equality Act won’t be affected by any changes to the law, but if you take the view that trans women are women it erases the sex class of women altogether.

There is no evidence that the UK trans community faces higher levels of violence than other marginalised groups.

There is a rich and detailed global history of LGB art and literature, even in cultures that punished or erased homosexuality. There is no history of transgender children. The Roman were keen surgeons who kept close records of their various achievements, which even included foreskin reconstruction. There is nothing to suggest that they even considered the idea of performing a ‘sex change’. It’s extremely hard to believe that nobody felt able to speak up about this until about 15 years ago and now suddenly thuosands of young people are ‘finding the words’ at last.

Discrimination is not a good thing. Women know all about it, and it isn’t something we chose to identify into, thank you very much, nor is it something we should be expected to have to identify out of. While I support your human rights, I will not call a man a woman and I do not have to believe in your gender fairy.

Support is essential for all of us, especially those of us going through crises or mental health issues. However, if you’re starving yourself, I’m not going to tell you you look better the thinner you are; if you’re self harming I’m not going to say ‘that’s a great way to let it out’. Supporting someone means more than blind acceptance of their beliefs.

The horror of child suicide has been used as a very effective silencing technique. Those who feel that mental health problems are caused by gender dysphoria rather than the other way around are dismissed as heartless and full of hatred for trans-IDd children.  Yet the Tavistock and Portman GIDS clinic states that among children referred to the clinic “suicide is extremely rare”. Outside the story of American Leelah/Josh Alcorn, most of the very few young trans-IDd people that have taken their own lives had full parental support. The 48% suicide attempt myth has been debunked here – one study represented as interviewing over 2,000 trans people actually interviewed 27. A peer-reviewed study shows that post-transition suicides, and psychiatric inpatient care, are actually higher post-op than pre-transition.   J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D  and Ray Blanchard, Ph.D talk about the ‘transition or die’ myth here

The GRA already gives trans people the right to ‘jump ship’ on their sex and have all records changed if they can show their intent is wholehearted and genuine. The leaflet describes it as ‘really difficult and expensive’. It costs £140, and those on low income receive help to pay. You can view the current process here. Changing the GRA so anyone can change all their documents- including their birth certificate- just by waving a wand causes all sort of problems from genealogy to criminal investigations.

I’m unsure what the writers of the leaflet mean when they speak of the ‘further trans rights’ they are seeking in addition to making self-identification viable in law.  If a male can wake up one morning & legally declare himself female ‘just like that’ where else is there to go?

The last part of the leaflet says ‘hormones are not prescribed to anyone under 18 in the UK.‘ This is blatantly untrue. They are prescribed to children as young as twelve. See here. Even the NHS website says otherwise. “If your child has gender dysphoria and they’ve reached puberty, they could be treated with… synthetic (man-made) hormones that suppress the hormones naturally produced by the body.”

So the leaflets were full of sensationalist misinformation, or ‘alternative facts’, which was disappointing but not entirely surprising.

The Meeting

The Panel – left to right: Helen Saxby, Kathleen Stock, Phillipa Harvey, Ruth Serwotka, Gill Smith

Helen Saxby, Kathleen Stock, Phillipa Harvey , Ruth Serwotka, Gill Smith

 

Phillipa Harvey by Michèle M

Phillipa Harvey‘s welcome was met with applause; the bar and the aircon were noted and praised. She thanked the hotel for hosting us at short notice.

“The term TERF will not be tolerated- this is abuse of women. Please be aware of how others in the room will feel as you are speaking. I’m angry that in defending women’s hard fought for rights we are being called transphobic.

Changes in law matter. Thank you for caring how the changes in law matter…  for caring to attend this meeting.”

Harvey introduced the first speaker of the evening.

 

Helen Saxby

Helen Saxby by Michèle M

The first speaker was Helen Saxby, a feminist writer and blogger.  Saxby told us that she wanted to talk about “how we’ve got where we are and why we feel angry about it.”

Saxby reminded us that the government consultation has now been launched and that it will be the first chance for women to have a say concerning changes to the GRA (Gender Recognition Act).  You can take part  in the government consultation about the GRA or just learn more about it here.

She spoke of the legal fiction put into law when the GRA was first introduced in 2004, back when nobody was expected to say that transwomen actually were women, and how it was supposed to “help alleviate the gender incongruence of a very small group of people so they could live more happily”.  She spoke of the abuse women received on Twitter if they dared to say that transwomen weren’t women.

‘What is at stake is the actual meaning of the word woman.’

 

 

Helen spoke of how the phrase ‘Transwomen ARE women’ is used to put a stop to talk of women’s rights. “It’s like a football chant,” she observed wryly.  Saxby pointed out that calling transwomen women used to be ‘a way of being an ally; a way to be nice… not hurting their feelings… just a matter of courtesy’, but what it has become is ‘a political slogan’.

Over the years, she said, the number of transactivists groups have grown, and they’ve been talking to governments, the NHS and other organisations and any argument has been shut down. It now seems transphobic to say transwomen are men.

“Women are easy to ignore, feminist women are particularly easily ignored and lesbian feminist women are easiest to ignore.”

Saxby spoke of the Allsorts Schools Toolkit and how it discriminated against girls, and Transmedia Watch who work to ensure that male transgender crimes are reported as female crimes but if the man later takes his life it will be reported in the press as a trans suicide.

“It’s quite clearly unfair in sport,” she added, “when a male bodied person competes against a female... In every area where trans rights have been pushed for, it is women and girls who lose out.”

“Some gay men are beginning to realise what transgender ideology says about their sexuality,” observed Saxby, “and that it’s not really what they want either.” She said she hoped gay men would support their lesbian sisters who looked after them during the AIDS crisis.

“The mantra ‘transwomen are women’ is no longer a matter of courtesy, it’s a political point. It’s nothing to do with transphobia, bigotry or hatred…  I am being bullied by a political dogma that I don’t agree with. It’s my political right to say no to that dogma- and I would like everybody here to say no to that dogma.”

A resounding cry of “No!” and applause came from the audience.

Helen Saxby by Michèle M

 

“If you take the view that transwomen are women… what it does is it erases the sex class of women. If women as a female sex class can contain males it is no longer a female sex class and this means that the characteristic ‘sex’ in the Equality Act has actually disappeared simply by making it meaningless.”

 

 

 

If the suggested change to the GRA takes place, “the law of the land would be telling us that we actually choose our own subordination.” 

“Let’s get everybody we know to look at the consultation and fill it in. Please fill in the consultation and give women a voice.” she concluded.

I have only captured a few of Saxby’s points in this piece: she has blogged about her talk at the meeting and I thoroughly recommend that you read about it here, on her excellent blog ‘Not the News in Briefs’  You can also hear her talk on YouTube here.

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Gill Smith

 

Gill Smith by Michèle M

 

“I wanted to show my face and say I transitioned and detransitioned.”

Smith said she hears the mantra ‘no debate’ and sees it everywhere. Some LGBT ideas are taking precedence and others are being dismissed. Only certain views are allowed to be expressed, and there are those who would shut her voice down.

 

Gill Smith by Michèle M

“I’m going to talk about my own experience and the number of young lesbians I see calling themselves trans everywhere I go now… I think that must be questioned. I’m sticking up for my own community, for younger lesbians. I thought of myself as trans at one point… I started medical transition; a diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder. I took cross sex hormones for almost four years. I spoke to a couple of surgeons about breast removal: this was 2006 and it was incredibly rare…. I don’t pretend it’s an easy issue… It’s a serious issue especially when we’re talking about teenagers and their bodies.”

Gill told the audience how she was a confident child and a ‘tomboy’ growing up. She thinks she might have identified as a transboy if the idea had been around.

“If my mum had took me to the doctor I’d have been asking for puberty blockers.”

After realising she was attracted to girls, she was bullied and began having panic attacks.  She received a gender identity disorder diagnosis, which she says her mother did not agree with.

I separated my mind from my body,’ she told us.

Smith moved to London at the end of the 90s, binding her breasts and determined to transition. She is adamant that she didn’t get much help from the organisations that are meant to help young lesbians.   Smith pointed out that even if scientists looked at her brain and found it was different – “which it isn’t,” – it doesn’t mean you need to change the body in an attempt to match the two. She reminded the audience that male and female are biological categories; that biological sex is a material category.

Gill Smith by Michèle M

“A female is supposed to be feminine and heterosexual. You’re seen as abnormal and not woman enough. I hope lesbians in particular don’t forget that we have historically been medicalised, pathologised and fetishised… I hope we don’t forget this.”

There will be more and more young women detranstitioning in the near future, Gill believes. Wanting to send a message to girls and teenagers that you can have short hair, wear clothes that you feel comfortable in and still be female, she asserted that that it isn’t progressive for young women to be constricting themselves in new boxes when they should be smashing the boxes. She finished by telling gender-questioning girls and young women is that if they want to speak to anyone there are always women who are listening.

Gill has been speaking out about her transition experience for a few years now and says she is happy to have received a lot of support from other women. She finished by thanking A Woman’s Place for giving her a chance to share her story.

“You’re a woman and the word woman belongs to you.” concluded Smith.  “You don’t have to change your body…  go out and change society.”

You can hear Gill’s talk on YouTube here.

 

Kathleen Stock

 

Kathleen Stock by Michèle M

Kathleen Stock is an academic at the University of Sussex , where “…we argue about the rights and wrongs of social arrangements: we have opinions but try to back them up with reasoned argument.”

“I’m clear, personally, that I completely support the rights of trans people to live their lives, without violence, harm or discrimination.” stated Stock at the outset of her talk.

“I’m also keen to distinguish between transactivists and trans people.” Stock referred to transactivist organisations as “rich, well connected and politically powerful’.  She reminded us that not all trans people support the aims of, or agree with, these organisations.

Conflicts of interest occur between groups when giving one group something takes something important away from another group. Stock said she disagreed with transactivists who claim that there is no conflict of interest between trans rights and women’s rights if transwomen are recognised as ‘literal women’.  If same-sex spaces for females- places where they undress or sleep- are reduced, it potentially reduces females’ safety from sexual violence.  Likewise if we give females political or media representation to transwomen, or places in female sports, the result is limited representation for females.

“If trans women are literally women, not just legally but in every possible context…  that does nothing less than force society into a complete re-understanding of what it is to be a woman, and obviously that has an impact on the biological females who were already occupying that category. So it’s perfectly ok for us to talk about that because it has an impact on our lives”

Stock said her writing had been met with ‘aggressive, angry public responses’ from fellow academics and is told she is causing ‘harm and even violence’. She is adamant that she does not claim that transwomen are especially violent, just that they are biologically male and it is important to recognise patterns of male violence.

Criticised for not being ‘kind and inclusive’, Stock observed that these expectations are gendered.

“I’m supposed to care that I’m not being kind because I’m a woman: no one tries that shit on men!”

Told that she’s playing ‘intellectual games’ she notes that she does not consider this debate to be a ‘fun game’ and that the criticisms she receives are personal rather than academic. Normally, she says, you engage with arguments, not character. There have, she informed us, been public protests about her on campus.

 

Kathleen Stock by Michèle M

‘The aim is to make me feel ashamed.. socially isolate me from potential supporters… and the ultimate aim to get me to stop talking… you’re told you’re evil, you’re told you’re confused, you’re not kind, you’re causing harm.. It’s particularly aimed at females…. In my case it hasn’t worked. I feel no shame whatsoever in anything I have written.”

 

This was greeted with cheers and applause from the audience. Kathleen went on to say that she sees men saying or writing similar things to herself but they do not receive the same damning response. Academics only feel comfortable taking privately or using pseudonyms, she added, saying she had lost count of the number of emails of support she had received from fellow academics but most said they ‘can’t face the onslaught’ of speaking openly.

Stock observed that some academic areas where proper discussion, analysis, and observation seem currently lacking are Law, Medicine & Biology, History and Psychology. She spoke compellingly about the importance of proper debate and research in these areas and how we need ‘public clarification of the fact that law cannot change biology.” 

“Some people believe hormones can make transwomen into women: that’s not true. If academics don’t start saying this more loudly the public will get more and more confused…. if we can’t talk about female health and reproduction then we are lost.’

Speaking of how Stonewall promotes the rewriting of history; Kathleen talked about how the Stonewall riots have been rewritten to erase lesbian instigator Stormé Delaverie. Marsha P Johnson, a self-described gay man and drag queen who arrived after the riot had started, has been posthumously ‘transed’ and credited with starting the riots.

“I would have thought historians who cared about truth should be getting on to that,” she added, observing that ‘proper academic scrutiny’ is needed when it comes to statistics about transwomen’s lives, rather than the phone polls and internet surveys carried out by organisations like Stonewall. Studies should ideally be carried out by someone neutral: we need to know where the statistics come from and who funded them.

Stock spoke of the importance of philosophy in discussing these issues. It is a human right to be free of violence but not necessarily through giving transwomen access to women’s spaces. We need to talk about female bodies and experiences because ‘if we can’t name our own bodies we can’t name our own oppression’.

Can the category of lesbians include a pre-op man with a penis?

‘Lesbians like myself say no,” asserts Stock, to the general agreement of her audience, adding, “this isn’t because I am being mean or unkind.’

Academics need to talk, because ‘facts matter, the truth matters’  especially in the face of ‘wild, inaccurate, confused claims and theories’ which will be accepted as truths if no-one is there to correct them.

Kids online are living in a climate of suffocation, terrified of saying the wrong thing. They feel stifled and frightened… ‘herding and groupthink’ is developing online. They need to see academics show it’s ok to speak out and show how to deal with disagreement.

Kathleen Stock by Michèle M

Fascistic tendencies develop in society if no one can speak out. Stock referred to the harassment of A Woman’s Place, threats of violence and the recent bomb threat. Her own email account had been hacked that morning. Of academics she concludes:

‘Quite frankly, they need to woman up!’

Kathleen- now Professor Stock – has published her notes for her talk at A Woman’s Place here.  Again, I thoroughly recommend you read the whole piece yourself. You can view her talk on YouTube here. She has also written in the Economist and other publications: this thread on her Twitter links to many of her inspiring articles.

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Ruth Serwotka

 

Ruth Serwotka by Michèle M

‘It’s been quite a week….  every week is quite a week in the land of gender identity,’ began Serwotka, speaking of how the Friends’ Meeting House had changed their mind about hosting the meeting.  She asked us to please give the organisers a clap for ensuring the meeting went ahead, and we enthusiastically complied.

In a darker moment, she spoke of the ‘culture of intolerance’ and referred to a picture doing the rounds online, a picture she had been sent, the silhouette  of a woman entitled ‘Kill TERFs’.

‘Freedom of speech matters, our right to free assembly matters, women matter.’

To loud applause and cheers, Serwotka referenced the letter from Women’s Place U.K, signed by so many and published in the Morning Star, and also the recent protest at Pride as progress that had been made in asserting women’s rights.

Women are not making progress, we are moving backwards, said Ruth. She spoke of how, in the poorest communities in the UK, women are now more likely to die at a young age than their mothers were. She pointed out how there will be fewer women in parliament if women’s shortlist’s are open to men.

Ruth Serwotka by Michèle M

‘No mainstream political party supports us’ she observed, chillingly. “We do not have equal pay fifty years after the Equal Pay Act.”

‘We must never forget that every week more than two women are murdered in this country, which is why we need services that are female centred and protect the rights of women and girls.’

The Home Office, observes Serwotka, says violence against women and girls is a serious crime, which has a negative effects on our economy, our health service & our criminal justice system.

We’ve had a lot of patronising statements released in the last few weeks about how women have been ‘very silly and got our knickers in a twist’ when expressing concerns about the effects of changes to the GRA. These concerns, she continued, are very real and the changes are more than ‘a little administrative tidying up’.

Serwotka spoke of how in August 2015 Stonewall requested that the government removed single sex spaces from Equality law, without consulting women, but Stonewall is now denying they ever requested that. This is ‘a repositioning and a complete hogwash’. She was met with cheers when she called for Stonewall to be held to account.

We must remain vigilant and respond to the consultation.

Ruth pointed out the importance of upholding the right of women to have their own spaces in law, pointing out that rape crisis centres, counselling and domestic violence services all need protecting; there should also be single sex wards in hospitals and there should be female only prisons.

“We think protecting female prisoners who are very vulnerable is a really important thing that we should continue to uphold as a civilised society.”

Serwotka added that women should have the right to request a female doctor for certain services, and that single sex carers should be available for the elderly.  High street changing rooms should have single sex changing rooms where women and girls are ‘not open to the male gaze of anyone who says they are transgender’ and toilets should also remain single sex, especially in schools. She also spoke of the right of women and girls to have their own spaces in sports and competition.

‘As women and girls we want a fully informed discussion and in a democratic society we have that right to meet, to discuss and put to our opinions forward’

You can see Ruth Serwotka’s full speech here on YouTube.

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There were lots of questions and observations from the floor. The microphone was passed around, and audience members were given two minutes to speak.  The atmosphere was excited as many people expressed their support for the speakers and the desire to carry on the discussion.

One woman said she was ‘here as a cis-gendered person’ and spoke of there being “so much fear and anger in the room.”

A few women booed at this, but Phillipa Harvey put them straight.

“We need to have this discussion and listen to each other. We have made this meeting an open meeting. We must listen to each other. Show respect.”

Another person observed that ‘TERFs are like a mouldy smell and they spread,’ which was not the most inspiring observation of the evening.

A bloke in a skirt and a T shirt stood up and said he’d been a cross-dresser most of his life and didn’t want to interfere with women’s rights. This was much more positively received.

There were many other people who spoke up, but my notes get more and more garbled from here on and this seems like a good place to leave my report of the meeting.

Phillipa concluded:

Phillipa Harvey by Michèle M

“This conversation needs to continue happening.. I would like to call on everyone who has their hand in the air. We just don’t have the time.

It was clear we need to have a discussion. Sometimes it becomes quite heated but this meeting will bring us forward… thank you for bringing your thoughts, your agreements and disagreements to this meeting.”

Harvey told us the hotel had had problems with guests resenting the demonstrators, and some people people had refused to pay their bills. She told us that there were demonstrators at both the front and back of hotel- exercising their democratic right to demonstrate- and that exiting from the car park might be best way to exit.

Michele and I made our way up to the hotel bar for a drink. Someone said Julie Birchill had brought everyone a round, but I never found out if that was true or not. If she did, we missed it! We sipped our drinks and chatted with some of the other women, but after about half an hour we were passed a piece of paper with an announcement from the hotel.

A few activists were still outside, talking with guests and passers by. We downed our drinks and left.

“I’m buggered if I’m leaving through the car park,” I scowled at Michele, and she agreed.

Transphobes aren’t feminists!”  A pair of hands waved a piece of cardboard at us through the tall glass panels as we headed for the exit.

The voices became louder as we passed out through the doors into the cool Brighton evening air, although the activists’ numbers had dwindled.  A seagull pecked nonchalantly at a piece of bread. Several police officers were keeping a wary eye on things but no violence broke out.

“Transphobes are not welcome here!” an activist chanted as we stepped onto the pavement.

“Fight back, fight back!” chorused her friends.

“Non-binary people are valid!

Non-binary people are valid!”

“No debate! No debate!

Fight back, fight back!

No debate, no debate!

No debate!

No debate.”

No debate.

Posted in Event Reviews, Women's Rights | 2 Comments

ROGD- Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria

There’s an ongoing battle between those who recognise Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD) as ‘a thing’ and those who deny it exists. ROGD believers are mostly gender-critical parents and professionals, who have seen it with their own eyes in their children or patients, to them it is undeniable. I am firmly in this camp, having seen ROGD in my own daughter, who is now eighteen and desisted nearly two years ago.

ROGD deniers are mostly transgender people and parents who’ve transitioned their own children. Organisations like Mermaids, Gendered Intelligence and Allsorts are also scathing, because if ROGD exists it challenges the ‘born in the wrong body’ narrative. They claim that parents who observe ROGD in their own children just hadn’t noticed the signs that their child was trans, or that the child had kept it secret from them. Either argument is grounded in the idea of bad or inadequate parenting and assumes a closed and unproductive relationship with the child.

The reality is that many healthcare professionals recognise ROGD as a reality.

Tania Marshall, M.Sc., psychologist, and award winning author accepts the veracity of the condition (left) and therapist and Jungian analyst Lisa Marchiano responds here to a trans-identifed teen who says “recently I have been reading some of your writing on “Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria…. if my parents knew what ROGD was, they would probably argue that I am in that category. I came out to them about a year ago and I hadn’t shown any gender dysphoria in early childhood.”

In addition, and perhaps most significantly, some clinicians at the Gender Identity Development Service at the Tavistock clinic in London, which deals with gender dysphoric children, recently acknowledged the term. You can read their article in the Journal of Child Psychotherapy here, and the Twitter thread pictured to the left here.

So what is ROGD? I’ve written about ROGD previously in ‘But Nobody is Encouraging Kids to be Trans’

“ROGD is the name given to the situation in which an adolescent child, who has shown no prior belief that they are ‘in the wrong body’ suddenly expresses a desire to transition, usually after spending a lot of time on social media.  These kids are often autistic, gay, or have undergone trauma.  Many of these kids desist – usually the ones whose parents have not immediately changed their pronouns and rushed them into gender clinic referrals. My daughter Jessie, for example, herself a desister, has two IRL friends who identified as trans for well over a year and who have now desisted.
Some parents have presumed that trans support groups would acknowledge the ROGD phenomena.  Trans support groups are understandably vocal on the subject of the high levels of bullying, self-harm and suicide attempts in the trans community and these parents hope that the identification of ROGD might raise awareness of the fact that transition is not the best route for every child.  Instead, attempts to raise the subject are met with complete denial and even accusations of neglect.  ROGD does not exist, it’s made up.”

On June 12th, I posted this request on my Twitter account:

Between June 12th and June 14th- in the space of just three days – 39 parents replied to my Tweet.  Some responses below have been cut slightly but no words have been changed. Where a parent commented more than once, three dots (…) join their comments.

There are kids out there – mine included – who experienced #ROGD for several years and today have dreadful mental health problems trying to get over it. Listen to #transregret #detransitioners and all young people who changed their minds.

Yep! My daughter. Aged 15 announces out of the blue… My GNC tomboy daughter subsequently diagnosed with ADHD found something on instagram that she felt answered why she felt ‘confused’ and not feeling like she fitted in around puberty.

My quirky, non-conforming, socially awkward, very intelligent daughter decided she was a boy after a summer spent on YouTube & Tumblr. Dysphoria followed. This has eased now, and nearly two years later she is a lot happier in her body… Schools need sensible advice on how to help children like my daughter. (This parent adds a link to the Transgender Trend resources for schools)

My d is a classic case: high IQ, ADHD, anxiety, some ASD symptoms, artist, anime, hard time fitting in w/alpha girls, romanticizes mental illness, romanticizes being LGBT member, trauma, afraid of physical intimacy, etc. Surprise announcement at 15…  I forgot to mention this new identity bubbled up after she became completely immersed in and enamored with DeviantArt and Tumblr. Those two sites seem to breed transgender identities.

My daughter came out as trans age 12/13. Outgrew it by age 17. I was encouraged by well meaning people to put her on puberty blockers – which could have caused bone damage & cognitive delays….. It was agonizing. I was so worried about her. And I felt completely alone. Every other parent of a trans child I saw in the media was “so happy” about their child being transgender. No mention of the risks involved, no expression of fear or loss. It was awful.

Yes. With great excitement after learning the concept “transgender” as a way to not have to “live as a woman”, my kid came out after turning 18. History of anxiety, signs of OCD and ADHD and very high-functioning ASD. No need for diagnostics…she went to ICATH clinic for T Rx…

5 years ago just b4 daughter’s 16th birthday she suddenly told us she was TG. Socially immature & academically very smart. After binging on utoob & tumb1r. Persists d/tconstant affirmation from teachers & employers. Hasn’t told extended family tho… Recently started Rx Androgel. Rxd by AB family doctor. No mental health or endocrine assessment.

Sorry, my story is a brainwashed child of 9 yrs old.

Me too. 21 year old autism spectrum son, no gd as child, typical boyish interests, on oestrogen now. Now very unhappy.

My daughter is affected by #ROGD. Name change, GID clinic pathway, utterly heartbreaking. Her Mum just cries. So sorry (replies another parent) ….. I just cry too.

My child at age 14/15. Since diagnosed as ASD, plus other MH issues. Now taking T (now a young adult). Effect on my child and our family life has been massive. Impossible to discuss and work through issues due to politics of it.

Absolutely! My daughter fits into this description!!!

Yep, mine did that, then desisted within 2 years.

Me, you know my story. (Gender Critical Dad)

My daughter certainly qualifies: (the mother links to their story here) Out of the blue announcement at 13 years old. Now 17. Still thinks she’s a trans man… She says she’s gay now. So many of these girls are lesbians who think they’re boys. Or heterosexual girls who think they are gay men. It’s absolute insanity… I really don’t know what she’s imagining. But it’s not based in reality. My college daughter tells me many hetero boys on campus who have sex r-ships w/trans-identifying chest binding women. She says they seem to be attracted to that look. Don’t know what to make of any of this.

My daughter qualifies. No dysphoria at puberty at 11. Very feminine after. Decided she was trans around 16 along with an entire friend group. Tumblr, deviantART, YouTube, anime, cosplay, ADHD, anxiety, anorexia, social problems. Currently thinks she’s a gay man.

Trauma, ASD traits ROGD overnight, anime, comic con, social justice issues, bullied, high IQ, bullied. De-sisted after a year. Hers was never felt but thought, she thought her way back, given space, time and circumstance, and NO affirmation.

My daughter came out at almost 19 but says she felt this way since 16 (21 now). She has aspergers, severe depression, anxiety and is gifted. Never once mentioned wanting to be or feeling like a man. Hated shaving her legs and wearing dresses in teen years but so do others

15-year-old daughter out of the blue after prompting from a counselor; it was horrible. We fired the therapist and lovingly but firmly explored the holes in the so-called science. After about a year it seems to be lifting, thank God. Love to all here. <3

We are in this situation.

My kid for 2yrs 13/14-16. She no longer IDs as trans. The pain and suffering she experienced was real and awful. She learned to love herself.

DD has mild depression anxiety then came out gay. We supported, like gf. Then spiralled down into anorexia, announced “I’m your son”, then suicide attempt. 4 months inpatient tx, BPD Dx, much improved. Still wearing binder but happy and good therapist now. Fingers crossed.

Kid identifies trans at 14 after huge emotional traumas at school (2 child suicides), immersed in school lgbt queer peer gp & toxic frienemies. Developed anxiety/depression, hooked on SM. Always GNC, had no body issues. School gave detentions to girls for wearing “boys” trousers. (This post is expanded in the DM section below)

Suddenly and gradually, classic cookie-cutter #ROGD… DM me for more…

My daughter “came out” to us at 16, but came out to her friends 6 months before that immediately after meeting another “transboy”. She was always a “girly” girl, but also liked comics. Apparently she’s a “feminine transboy.” ASD ADHD and always had trouble keeping friends…  I’ll add that one of the most frustrating statements my daughter made was telling me she “figured it out” by reading the comments section of trans videos on YouTube.

(post in reply to above) I understand how you feel. When I asked my daughter how she determined she was trans she said by looking at those around her and how they identified and the internet. I about fell through the floor!!

Adding my dd to the list. First came out to a few friends, then to us last year at age 15. Right after that she shared with social media.

My story is the same as everyone else’s.

My daughter suffers from #ROGD. Isolation, body issues, grief, internet, puberty- BAAM! She convinced herself shes a boy. Now- 3 years later – very much in doubt, painted into a corner, anxious, depressed, tired, cant see the forest for trees.

Out of the blue, my daughter announced she is trans at 15 WITHIN 24 HOURS OF MEETING ANOTHER ROGD GIRL at school. History of ASD, ADD, not fitting in, etc. had been ‘all girl’ up to that point and really still is except in her head where she thinks she looks/acts male.
While my son was away at college came out as trans at age 20. Never showed signs of gender dysphoria as a child.

MAMA BEAR 2nd tweet: my kid is now “nonbinary”. Changed name & pronouns. Hates her female body & definitely has GD which should be treated. Now rooms with female-looking friend who goes by he/him. My kid on wait list for publicly funded mastectomy b/c wants to get rid of her breasts.

My 19 y/o kid suffers from BPD, severe depression, & anxiety. She was always precocious,bright & active as a child—loved wearing skirts & pants. Announced bi in high school then gay. Became obsessed with queer peer group & an ASD girl who has now had mastectomy. Lots of Tumblr.

My always-girly 21yo D was diagnosed bipolar 2 at 15; much anxiety, depression; moved to affirming city/college but dropped out b/c of anxiety; tons of Tumblr etc. followed by trans announcement; living with 3 girls, all of whom think they’re gay bois; at least 2 now on T.

Son spent way 2 much time on Tumblr-Twitter. Heavy into anime. Off to college & find out from social media He’s a girl. Hist of ADHD recent depress & anxiety. Hasn’t pursued hormones. Casual name change w friends but not out 2 extended family. No issues w gndr b4 social media.

Daughter entered #transcult as a college student. Not a tomboy or GNC Previous lesbian identity. Quiet, academic, into social justice. Likely was on trans-promoting sites when she was younger.

My D14- came out right before she was 12. Too much internet- Blindsided parents. Much more to our story. Aarrgghh!

My daughter went from cutting to trans. She was around 15 ish.

My son said he wanted to transition at 20. He showed no prior indication of this. He exhibited typical male characteristics from birth through childhood to young adulthood. He is attracted to women, by the way. He has been suicidal for several years.

My teen is a desister. she declared trans at age 13, and at age 15 desisted (she had socially transitioned, which I did not fight while I was fighting to prevent any medical transition. Her trans family rejected her when she asked abt biology.)

All the above 39 responses were received within 48 hours of my post. The comments below came in a few days later.

20 year old ASD female born daughter here – told us she trans shortly after 18th birthday – suffering acute anxiety and depression. Ideological stance makes it impossible to discuss for fear of alienating her. Needs a medical professional to tell her the feelings may not last.

Do you still need responses? Yes, suddenly at puberty my daughter started with tho we didn’t know it by that name at the time. Depressed and we find out she has ADHD and is gifted…not feeling like she fit in…

My son told us at 16. I’m like all the rest. I think you’ve been following my tweets. Thank you!

I’d also told parents they could direct message me via Twitter if they didn’t feel able to post directly on the thread. These are the 27 private messages I received, again, all but three in the 48 hours after my Tweet, from parents who wanted their stories to be told anonymously. I have removed a few minor points that might be identifying features- hometowns, colleges, names- and shortened a couple of the more lengthy responses. Two of the posts are longer versions of public comments made above.

Hi Lily,
I saw you are asking for stories of ROGD parents. Here’s mine: My kid, having shown no signs of being transgender as a kid, announced at age 12 that she was transgender. She was diagnosed with ASD just a month or two before her announcement. She had been heavily involved on Tumblr with a nearly 100% transgender friend group there. She is obsessed with all aspects of identity, but especially with gender identity and sexual orientation. At first, her dysphoria wasn’t too bad, but now, about 15 months on, it’s a daily topic of discussion and an ongoing struggle. She also suffers from depression and anxiety and has been hospitalized in a psych unit twice. She’s been completely brainwashed by the arguments of trans activists (biological sex is a myth, there have always been transgender people going back to the Egyptians, the increasing numbers of trans people is due entirely to “increased acceptance”) and is impervious to anything we have to say about it. Our story is a lot like the stories I’ve read on 4thwavenow and the Gender Critical Resources forum. Thank goodness I’ve found these resources, because, like the good liberal I am, I started down the “affirm” path, despite the fact that this made no sense to us. Fortunately, we have not been affirming this identity for around a year, and the therapists we’ve found here in (location deleted)  have been pretty decent, neither affirming nor taking a hard-line stance against her being transgender, which I think would have turned her off from therapy in general. All we can do is hope things turn around and try not to fight with her about this while still making it clear how we feel about this. It’s been a nightmare and I’m currently seeing a counselor myself to deal with how I’ve reacted to this situation, which is increased depression and anxiety. Please keep my story anonymous….

My daughter was 12 when she told she was Trans. Also 6 other girls, and 1 boy, in her grad and the one below her out of 700. The grade after those two-none. Tumblr has been my nightmare. She has not desisted yet, but she has recently acknowledged that she can’t actually change her sex. I’m somewhat hopeful. I try to get her thinking critically. Hope that helps…. My daughter is still wearing a binder and insists on the male name. However, she has agreed to wait until she’s 18 to bring up getting hormone treatments again. She said that she likes where she is right now, and wants to focus on school and getting ready for college. My friends think she is looking for a graceful exit. I don’t want to get my hopes up. But this significant, because in our state, 16 year olds are allowed to take hormones without parental consent. They can’t get a tattoo, or drink until they’re 21, but at 16 they can take cross sex hormones! It’s insanity. I’m still sending her links to 4th wave articles I think it’s helping.

At age 14, my daughter said she was “trans,” “agender.” Said she didn’t feel like a girl nor like a boy. Wanted to be called “they/them,” and change her name. Her friends and siblings went along, but her father and I continued with singular. She is now 18, identifies as gay, and seemed to drop the notion that she is trans or agender. It happened seemingly out of the blue, and was encouraged by a gay male friend of hers who was studying gender and sexuality at college.

Please feel free to use our story. I didn’t want it to come from my account because… I’m scared that we’ll be harassed/doxxed/reported to social services and I’ll be fighting for my right to protect my own child. My daughter, who’s pretty smart and socially awkward but had never had a problem with her own body till she went to secondary school and linked up with the LGBT group. My kid came home as gender fluid (which I understood and told her she didn’t have to conform to social gendered stereotypes, told her I must be gender fluid too), then she came home as non binary (which I said I understood as similar to gender fluid and repeated that it was all rubbish to expect people’s behaviour and personalities to be either/or)…  This school group started to take over every waking moment with LGBT projects like presentations to school assemblies, visibility days etc… My middle daughter one day said she was trans….  I asked about her sexuality and was confronted with, “So you’re saying I’m just a lesbian?” which I said was insulting to lesbians, which she hadn’t considered. The school had a very stupid uniform policy which differentiated between girls and boys trousers. My kid didn’t like the trousers “assigned” for girls so I bought her trousers she liked and was comfortable in. She got repeated detentions and lunch/break detentions for wearing these trousers… My kid stopped going to school. She developed high anxiety levels, depression and spent far too much time with unsupervised internet access (my fault)… CAMHS eventually really helped with the anxiety but after 6 sessions it came to an end and she hadn’t mentioned gender issues at all to the therapist, yet at home I was having “dead daughter live son” ultimatums thrown at me, quoted suicide stats, she changed her name 3 times, wrecked her room (very carefully) sent me you tube/instagram videos, became aggressive/shouty and confrontational whenever I asked any question like, “What is it that makes you feel you are a boy?”. She demanded blockers and testosterone and called me transphobic for not blindly doing all this immediately. Her friend also locked me into an instagram debate about how my lack of support for my son would result in their death…  Towards the end of term my kid wanted the school to support her in a big ‘coming out as trans’ assembly presentation. They asked me what I thought and I explained that we’d been to CAMHS, we were going to spend the summer talking this through without school pressure and to put it off till after the school holidays. The message that was conveyed to my child was that they weren’t going to let her do her presentation because her mother didn’t support it. That night my child threatened to jump out of a 4th floor window. I took her to A&E where she asked to be taken into care. We spent the night in the children’s ward on suicide watch and I cried all night… During the summer we worked on self esteem. She started (a new school) and it’s been slow but steady improvements. The school were very supportive and allowed her to use a different name and present as a boy. I wasn’t sure about this. Slowly her attendance has improved and her academic learning is back on course. She has a part in the school play and her friends seem friendlier. She now thinks she might be a gay boy…  she told friends that she’s done everything to indicated to other gay boys that she’s a gay boy but to no avail yet. I am still struggling to get a message of reality through to her. She has said that everything about women is disgusting and then proudly wears a feminist badge. She has accepted that I won’t endorse any permanent changes to her body while she’s a child. I have told her about… the long terms affects of meds and have tried to big up the gender critical brigade and butch lesbians. I have tried to explain the deep misogyny in the ideology and the violence towards feminists in the name of transwomen. I have explained the concerns I clocked with the huge rise in referrals of teenage girls, to which she says “So you think I’m just like everyone else then?”. I have tried to explain the worries about being reliant on life long meds in an increasingly capitalistic world where our access to free health care seems more and more at risk. She gets angry at me when I make a point or ask a question because, “What you say makes sense but it sounds offensive but I can’t explain why”. I have had a year of this. We have agreement that she masquerades at school and then is herself at home. The last few months have been really good on the other fronts of her life (homework, new friends, assessments out the way, school play etc). I have been controlling internet and social media, repairing family relations after a horrendous year for everyone, limited those old friends and encouraged hobbies, exercise and arts…  My kid is still confused. I wish she wouldn’t wear her binder and I blame myself for not being stricter with the social transition side of things, I hadn’t read enough at that stage to fiercely oppose the idea. When she outgrew a binder I refused to get her another and provided a sports/training bra, but she got a friend to order one for her instead. I reported this to the school and am deeply worried she’ll find someone to order blockers/T if she was inclined. I am hopeful she’ll grow out of her dysphoria and find a way to be happy in herself. Our story is ongoing…and breaks my heart everyday.

Hi – my daughter has all of a sudden come out as trans gender. She spent a lot of time on YouTube and Tumblr and is convinced of it. She’s seen a psychologist who feels she’s just going thru a phase and will grow out of it .

Have a daughter who has just desisted after 1 1/2 years. Glad we live in Africa since in our home country (Sweden) I fear the outcome may have been very different. She bought a tshirt today stating ‘All Women’. I almost cried… I feel very lucky indeed. So many incredibly horrific stories. It’s like we all admire the kings clothes and the few pointing at his nudity are crucified.

My daughter was always somewhat gender non-conforming (at least according to narrowly defined sex stereotypes). As a young child she loved dinosaurs and dogs, and spent a lot of time BEING a dog, horse, or cat. She always eschewed stereotypical “girly” things, which was fine with us, her parents. Around age 8 or 9 (circa 2011/2012) she started spending time online, especially a site called Chicken Smoothie, where her father and I had to repeatedly intervene because role-playing areas (even those designated for young kids) were constantly being infiltrated by older teens and young adults who would serve up a lot of inappropriate content. All of these young people (not my daughter’s age, but older) would have extremely detailed “profiles” which laid out their identities in detail. They were all some flavor of -sexual and somewhere on the trans “spectrum.” Chicken Smoothie was followed by Tumblr which was more of the same but many magnitudes more extreme. It shouldn’t have surprised us when, after marinating in this crap for three or four years, she told me one night that she thought she was trans. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, “Oh, hell no!” I mean, I didn’t verbalize it, but that’s how I felt inside. And, I don’t know why I reacted like that because, politically, I had always been on the left and very supportive of so-called marginalized groups. But, something just felt really wrong. Thankfully, in the moment I just told her that I thought she should hold off on doing anything, including transitioning socially, until high school. What I did do was get her hooked up with a therapist (I didn’t even mention the gender stuff) and talked to her pediatrician and got her on some anti-depressants, which helped A LOT. I don’t know if my initial hesitation had anything to do with it, or if it was the meds, or what, but over the course of the past couple of years she has gone from transboy ID to something more akin to “non-binary.” She’s never demanded pronoun or name changes, and we have supported her in expressing herself however she sees fit (short hair, men’s clothes), with the exception of a ban on any and all binders because they’re super unhealthy!!! I am so thankful that as soon as she told me and I started doing research online, I came across 4th Wave Now and other gender-critical people and websites, and realized I was not actually a giant asshole or a bigot for not affirming my daughter’s self-diagnosed transgender identity. All of my research really hit it home that this was a long-term fight, and that losing was not an option. She and I don’t talk about it much – I’ve found less is more in terms of confronting her about it – but she seems about 800% more comfortable with being female than she was two years ago. I’ve read this elsewhere, and I’ve told it to her repeatedly: There is no wrong way to be female. Any ideology that says that clothes or interests define a person’s sex or gender is a load of horse manure. That’s called sexism. I think the person who has struggled the most with my daughter’s trans ID is my husband, who is my daughter’s adopted dad (I’m her bio mom, but her bio dad is not in the picture). I think her desire to harm herself in this way was extraordinarily painful for him. It was easier for me in some ways because I just got mad and took a more pragmatic approach to the situation, trying to find ways to help her without harming her. He just got really depressed. As you know, there’s loads of support for people who want to affirm their kid’s trans ID, but if you have reservations you’re immediately branded a bigot. It’s very isolating. Thankfully, things have improved, like I said. Anyway, that’s our story. I’d like to remain anonymous if you use it. Two things I should have added: 1) In response to all of the problems we had with Tumblr, we ended up blocking it on our home computers and we seriously limited her access to apps and sites on her iPhone with parental controls – better to not have her marinating in self-harm posts and trans ideology 24-7; and 2) We are currently in the process of having her evaluated for ADHD (Inattentive Type) – she exhibits almost all of the symptoms. It seems ASD and ADHD are common in girls with ROGD.

My daughter came out suddenly trans at age 13. Now 17. Hasn’t transitioned. But uses male name and dresses as a boy… I believe that there are probably people who are truly trans. But for too many girls, specifically, I think they are misfits that have been convinced via tumblr, you tube, anime, etc, that the reason they feel this way is because they were born in-the wrong body. My daughter has no male traits at all. Never into sports, has no real male friends, doesn’t play “boy” type games, etc. lives in a hot pink bedroom. Liked wearing girls clothes until just recently when she said she couldn’t pass if she wore women’s clothing. Yet when she first came out she explained she was male presenting as female. She spends 80% of her time with online friends from god knows where. Rarely goes out with “live” friends her “closest” friend has Aspergers. I say closest in quotes because they hardly spend time together….The school had bent over backwards for her…  I can’t approach her with any alternate theories. She has all the canned lingo down. I pray that she will come out ok on the other end and that end being before college. But doubtful.

Not my kid, but my nephew. Got a girlfriend senior year who caused him a whole host of issues, eating disorder, drugs, then told him she wouldn’t date him unless he identified as a woman. She’s gone but he is still trying to be a lesbian. Before that, he seemed to me a typical boy, slight of stature, but typical boy interests. School culture may also had a lot to do with it.

Hi there, about the ROGD post. My daughter turned 14 and hit puberty then within three months was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, went from thinking she was bisexual to lesbian to pansexual to gender fluid to thinking she is a boy within two more months. This as well as claiming to be pagan then wiccan then atheist and a couple of rounds of being vegetarian too. One year later she now thinks shes a gay boy. She also disagrees with putting anything in your body that you don’t need and risking side effects. So I do see light at the end of the tunnel lol

In reply to your tweet. Yup, my 17 year old. Now his 20 year old brother is ‘questioning his gender’. It’s endemic.

Won’t post publicly but my 12 yo came out as trans last year. Friends and school affirmed with no notification to us. We found out after a friend reported her as suicidal and the guidance counselor called me about “my son”. We are trying to navigate without too much affirmation but have changed name/pronouns at home. She still will go by old name around extended family and friends as well as doctors. I feel helpless and unable to even seek help for fear of being labeled one way or another. The politics of this issue is frightening. I don’t want to lose her. I’m scared.

Here you go: my autistic, brilliant, loving, socially awkward daughter came out to me out of the blue at the age of 13. She got the idea after attending a school presentation; a school where over 5% of the students were trans, where names and pronouns were changed without my knowledge. She received affirmation from therapists, teachers, and students. I was emotionally blackmailed by therapists to support her social transition. By the time I realized this was a big mistake, her beliefs became more deeply entrenched. She is 17 now and plans to begin medically transition next year. I am trying to do everything I can to get her to see the truth before it’s too late.

Hi Lily, My daughter is 19. She came out as lesbian at 16, started going to (allegedly) LGBT support group Allsorts Youth in Brighton where she was snared by the trans-cult. She now insists she is a man despite all evidence to the contrary, and is on the pathway to transition. Tav and Port know she is ROGD but that doesn’t seem to bother them. While it is clear to me this will eventually be accepted as a national scandal and should my daughter see sense she’ll be able to sue for millions, I’d much rather she saw sense now, before it is too late. The NHS should be helping her come to her senses. It should not be humouring her delusion.

Our child came out as trans unexpectedly at aged 20 – having shown no signs previously. This followed a traumatic time in her life. Had come out as a lesbian around aged 18. From there, ‘progressed’ to trans with body dysphoria. 10 months ago went to see the GP, prior to making a new start at uni: now has 2 separate NHS diagnoses and will start testosterone shortly. Wants double mastectomy.

My child texted me to tell me they wanted to be a boy at 14, the usual story of immersing themselves in trans YouTubers. They had always been GNC but never suggested being a boy until 14. They told their guidance teacher & the school immediately changed their name and sex without consulting us. We were referred to CAMHS who were very supportive and they even told the guidance teacher when they imposed themselves on an appointment that their actions had not helped & they had jumped in too soon in changing name & sex. Our child is now 18 so can make their own decisions & we keep saying we believe they are GNC not trans. Up to now they have not attempted to refer themselves & I am hoping they won’t. (sentence deleted to avoid identification)  our relationship is improved despite difficult conversations. Our child has recently been assessed for autism & has been told they have “sub” indicators of autism but they do not have enough for a diagnosis & adult mental health services will not do a full assessment. I am desperate & terrified that my wonderful, confused child will start down a path of transitioning that will cause them harm and that they could come to regret. I do not mention this on Twitter as my child, & some of their friends, follow me on Twitter & ultimately it is their story not mine.

My 16.5 year old daughter came out as trans at age 14.5 in a period of social isolation and depression. Never fit in with the girls because of giftedness and limited interests (books). Deep thinker. Social justice minded. is now called a boy in school and everywhere but at home. My story is like so many others. The culture is enabling this and pushing our children onto a path of psycho social and medical self harm. Has ASD traits, sensory issues , diagnosed with generalized anxiety. Sexuality unclear. Very uncomfortable with sexuality in general. Now IDs as a gay boy. I suspect is a lesbian with high functioning depression and possibly mild Aspergers. (sentence removed)  Has perfect pitch and synethesia.

Hi Lily, have experienced the same with daughter – no where near out of the woods. Really appreciate all your tweets and info. Makes me feel less isolated by it all.

Hi. A few years ago when my daughter was about 13 her body developed pretty quickly and she hated it. She’s reserved and quite shy and had started getting attention from boys and even men in the street – very curvy hourglass figure. Her whole demeanour changed. She became depressed and suffered from anxiety. We’re very close and we talk about everything. Anyway things escalated – started to want clothes from boys’ section and had her hair cut short and shaved at sides. Then progressed to wearing chest binders. I went along with all this because you walk a fine line with teenagers and I wanted to keep the lines of communication open between us. However when she said she thought she was trans like some other girls at her school I told her I would support her through everything, except I could not finance or be part of her changing her body because if she ever regretted such a drastic action I would never forgive myself . It was a very difficult year or so but basically I listened to her every time she needed to talk – night or day. She got some counselling at school and I encouraged her to take up interests (she joined a local rock school where she played guitar) and meet her friends on weekends. Then one day she said “Mum I think I’m a lesbian”. I said that was no big deal but to take her time, that she was still young and didn’t have to worry because her sexuality would become clear to her in time. Just wanted her to enjoy being young. Anyhow over time I could see her growing in confidence and being happier with herself, she stopped wearing the binders and developed her own quirky punky image. Then about 6 months ago (at about 15 1/2) she said ” yep mum am 100% sure now I am a lesbian,” and then more recently, “what was I thinking about wanting to be a boy!” I would encourage any other parents to adopt the wait and watch approach even when your child seems quite determined, because if they are really unhappy with their developing body like my daughter was, changing sex seems like a very attractive solution at the time. I say this with no disrespect to trans people and of course I believe in supporting trans people’s rights.

My child (now aged 19 suddenly came out as trans soon after being put on strong antidepressants by Camhs who indoctrinated and fed my child hate towards me and had my child taken into care at 16. I have two other happy healthy children (age 16 and 22) living at home with me.

All we knew of our daughter and our relationship which I thought was closer than some came to a crashing end at 19 and 1 day when she met a young woman who had recently had double mastectomy and was identifying as transgender man. 19 and 3 weeks identified as genderfluid to us but transgender man to friends. Stopped going to uni lectures. Self diagnosed acute anxiety, depression, dysphoria. Refused counselling because of anxiety and “deprogramming”. At this point in our journey our relationship had gone from very strong and loving to we were oppressing her refusing to believe she was a man. The speed from which all this happened was breathtaking. My husband, other children, family and friends were disbelieving in that nothing prepared us for the misery of trans gender identity. She rejected everyone pre trans. I ended up travelling to her college town so she would reluctantly meet me for an hour. She thought and still thinks i am an absolute transphobe.

Hi lily. My daughter was 12, completely out of the blue. We supported her when she said she wanted a haircut, said we’d@talk to school etc. Didn’t get round to it as it lasted less than 48 hours!

My daughter was age 12, entering 7th grade, when she came out to me only (not dad & brother) and asked for a binder. Looking at her YouTube history it appeared she spent the summer following Miles McKenna, who was now her idol. I took away YouTube (due to Miles making adult jokes) and told her until she goes through her history w/me and we decide together if it is a healthy choice or not she cannot have YouTube back (this was in September 2017 – we are now in June 2018). As of today she still does not have YouTube and she has decided she doesn’t want it back. She only came out to a few of her real life friends, but all of her online friends. I bought her boxers, I bought her clothes from the men’s aisle, I took her to get her hair chopped. I see all of this as harmless exploring. I did not allow her to change pronouns (kids will believe what you tell them they are), I did not buy her a binder as her lungs, spine, ribs and other organs need the room to grow. She told me she would not think of hormones until she was about age 23, so I left that alone. Due to living in a state where it is questionable if to not affirm is considered conversion therapy, which is illegal, she did not see a therapist. Instead we spend one hour a week working on anxiety and confidence. She has been great, open, honest and working through the exercises. I believe she has desisted (10 mos later). She does not like to talk to me about transgender, so I have not asked her directly. She varies her dress now, growing out her hair, no longer attempts to deepen her voice, and recently (her choice) applied, interviewed and gained a position in an all female STEM group. In her application she stated she wanted to meet other girls who are into STEM as none of her current friends are. I doubt I would have been able to help my daughter through if it were not for the writers on 4thwavenow and the parents of a gender critical support forum. They helped me realize I am sane and if I continue to support my daughter in her SAFE exploration she would be alright.

Hi Lily. My son, now 23, went to XXXXXX University, very bright, top grades, athlete, musically talented. His girlfriend of 3 years left him in the 3rd year of college. Became depressed, mild and then severe. Came back home almost 2 years ago, all of a sudden, after being exposed to the transgender propaganda, he became obsessed with wanting to change his name, possibly starting to wear women clothes, considering transition! He is in therapy but our family is absolutely shattered. We walk on eggshells. Why don’t any of the psychologists he has met consider addressing self esteem issue rather then suggesting he starts mingling with transgender groups? This is INSANE.

Daughter always tomboy and socially somewhat awkward, previously diagnosed with ADD and attachment disorder. Early puberty was a shock to her system. Hit high school, felt like fish out of water among all the princess girls. Decided a kid like her could not be a regular girl. Binged on youtube trans videos and decided she was trans, at 15. Decided there was no other explanation for her PERSONALITY as a non-princessly, math-loving, gamer nerd girl.

I‘ve just caught up your thread about cases of ROGD. My child 17 yo female has been struggling with this so feel free to add me to the case list. Can explain full story in confidence and craziness of “professionals” who were “helping”.

Hi Lily. Never heard of ROGD before but what you described fits my daughter’s case too. Gay, yes, GD, no. Went thru all this about five years ago – she is almost twenty now and in a stable SS relationship. She went from describing herself (suddenly) as Trans (following self diagnosis in social media) to queer to just plain old gay. We just said a strong no to any GD therapy. Sadly we recently heard her partner is taking hormone therapy… it’s a complicated world!

ROGD messages – response analysis

I received responses, of one or more comments, from 42 parents (plus one aunt and one grandmother) in replies to my Twitter thread which you can read here. All but 3 were in the 72 hours following my request for parents to contact me.

I received direct (private) messages from 27 parents. Almost all respondents were mothers.

I have not included any of the the responses I received from teachers, family friends, distant relatives and concerned members of the public. (Or any of the messages telling me I’m an evil transphobe and ROGD is made up.) Parents do sometimes contact me, but here I have included only the DMs and messages I received on and in response to that thread,  my Tweet asking for stories from individuals whose children experienced ROGD.

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67 trans-identified young people were mentioned. Fifty two of the children referred to were girls. (Two of these doubled up as mentioned in both the DMs and the thread comments so read above as 54.) Nine were boys. The sex of six of the young people was not mentioned.

None of the respondents seemed to believe that their child actually was ‘born in the wrong body’ although one respondent did say ‘I believe that there are probably people who are truly trans’.

At least 12 of the children have now desisted. I do not include in that ‘she seems to have..‘ or ‘I think he has…’ so the figure may be higher. Transactivists will claim that these children are just pretending to desist because of their ‘transphobic’ parents. It is, of course, possible that this is the case. One of the problems with collecting information about desisters is that once a child desists, parents are not so keen to talk about it. Many just want to put the hell behind them and move on. I believe parents of desisters are much less likely to respond to a request like this than parents of children who are still trans-identified. This is, of course, my opinion.

One of the weaknesses of studies based on random requests for information, like so many of the LGBT studies floating around, is that you have a self-referred sample.

This is not supposed to be a great scientific study. It’s not a dissertation, it’s not peer reviewed, it’s not anything grandiose. This post has no delusions of grandeur, it is what it is.

I asked for parents who believed their child was suffering from/had suffered from ROGD to contact me, and contact me they did. In droves.

Of course, as has been pointed out to me so very many times, the fact that a parent doesn’t know their child feels ‘born in the wrong body’ when they are very young doesn’t mean that child doesn’t feel that way.  It is possible that all these children had such terrible relationships with their parents that they hid their feelings, and also possible that the parents were so completely disinterested in their children and unaware of their feelings and interests that they didn’t notice. Possible, but unlikely. These parents seem intelligent and articulate and they seem to love and support their kids. These parents seem convinced that their children’s gender dysphoria was rapid onset.

One thing that does stand out is the number of children diagnosed with ASD or ADHD. At least 16 of the 67 children had an ASD or ADHD diagnosis.

“diagnosed with ADHD
socially awkward, very intelligent
high IQ, ADHD, anxiety, some ASD symptoms
History of anxiety, signs of OCD and ADHD and very high-functioning ASD
autism spectrum
diagnosed as ASD, plus other MH issues
Trauma, ASD traits… high IQ
aspergers, severe depression, anxiety and is gifted
mild depression… anorexia, suicide attempt
ASD ADHD
BPD, severe depression, & anxiety
diagnosed bipolar 2 at 15; much anxiety, depression
Hist of ADHD recent depress & anxiety
ASD .. acute anxiety and depression
Depressed and we find out she has ADHD and is gifted
diagnosed with ASD
having her evaluated for ADHD (Inattentive Type) – she exhibits almost all of the symptoms
autistic, brilliant
they have “sub” indicators of autism
Has ASD traits, sensory issues , diagnosed with generalized anxiety”

Many other young people had co-existing mental health issues.

Many were lesbian, although this was not mentioned as often as I would have expected.

To dismiss ROGD out of hand, we have to believe that all sixty seven of these parents knew nothing about their kids.  Now, kids don’t tell their parents everything.  We’ve all heard parents say, “We didn’t know she was sleeping with him…  we didn’t know he was taking drugs… we didn’t know she was self harming… we didn’t know he was in a gang,”  but this is very different. To suggest that ROGD is not real is to suggest that throughout the entire childhood of their offspring, these parents were deluded.   That the girl who never once even said ‘I wish I was boy’ was keeping her true ‘gender identity’ under wraps. The response to that is often, ‘but now they’ve been given the words!’ I ask you, why would young people need to be ‘given the words’?

The only argument against the existence of ROGD is rooted in the idea that all parents whose kids did not come out as trans until they were adolescent are blind idiots who knew nothing at all about their children.  It’s also presumes those children had such a terrible relationship with their parents that they never felt able to talk about them about their feelings. I think that says a lot more about the family relationships of those making the accusations than it does about the families with an ROGD child.

ROGD IS REAL.

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Afterword:

People often contact me asking for advice. I’m not a therapist or a psychologist & I don’t give out advice online beyond offering links to useful groups such as the gender-critical parents forum (which has over 1,000 members), and useful website such as Transgender Trend, 4thWaveNow, Gender Critical Dad and YouTube channels such as Peach Yoghurt.

Posted in Children & Young People, Investigative | 7 Comments